The Mummy 3

OH MY DEAR LORD! This movie is shit. I have watched some terrible movies in my life, and while this one is not the worst it was terrible. So many plot holes, such bad acting, terrible terrible terrible.

Lets start of with the fact that there is not one single mummy in this. NOT ONE! Despite this, Brendan Frasier and the rest of the cast keep calling the bad guys mummies. Let me explain. Jet Li and his army are cursed by a witch. They become statues. Jet Li burns up and gets frozen as a statue for 2000+ years. He does NOT have his insides removed, his brain removed, his body wrapped in cloth. He doesn't go through any sort of mummification process at all. So he is moved into a tomb with his Terracotta army. Sound familiar? The first emperor did infact create an army of statues to guard his tomb. They were not people that were cursed. Of course, kids watching will think they are!

So after we find out that Brendan Frasier and Mario Bello (yeah, not the chick from the first two) are about 50 years old now, yet still look about 30. There annoying english son is now an annoying AMERICAN 20 year old. Yep, he went from a thick english accent to a full on American accent. Even though he was born in england, and raised in england. It gets better.

He meets chinese woman as he is trying to get the Emperor's body out of the tomb who goes Ninja on his ass, and can speak fluid english. It is rather obvious that she is immortal and after about 45 min. you see that her mom is the same chick who cursed Jet Li. They than speak to each other in perfect english. The two woman have been alive for over 2000 years, live in China, and haven't left China ever, yet they can speak a language that has only existed for about 300 years. That's right. For no apparent reason, two chinese chicks just know how to speak english. I'm skipping over the fact that two chinese generals needed a woman that is an egyptologist to speak ancient chinese, than can speak ancient chinese to Jet Li later in the movie. So they can speak it, just can't read it. AND NO ONE IN CHINA CAN READ ANCIENT CHINESE? You need a person who has studied ONLY Egyptian? And she can just suddenly speak Ancient Chinese? GREAT writting.

So Jet Li has power over the elements. Fire, Water, Wind, Wood (earth) and Metal. Not sure on when Metal became its own element. Metal should be included in Earth, and if Jet Li was such a master of Metal how come he didn't build the great wall outta it? HUH? So Jet Li, when he returns to life, Can cast fireballs, make ice missles, and with the power of Heart can grow an awesome mullet....oh wait that's Captain Planet. Same thing. So Captain Planet has to take a diamond to the top of a tower and find the pool of eternal life. He makes it to the top of the tower in the Himilayans, and the Immortal chick starts yelling in some crazy language and suddenly Yetis show up. That's right. Yetis. They have there own language. And some immortal chinese chick commands them. These vicious creatures don't bite, or tear apart their enemies. They throw them. That's right. Giant claws and teeth, and they pick them up and chuck them. The worst part of the movie comes when the Yetis pump there fists in the air and cheer. I half expected them to break open a Mountain Dew and chug it.

After this we get Captain Planet putting the diamond on top of the tower and the path is shown. The pool is about 200 yards up the same mountain. NO ONE THOUGHT TO CHECK THE REST OF THE MOUNTAIN??????? He travels up the mountain and another battle takes place. Than he walks into the pool and is restored. Out of no where he is now able to shape shift. These two chinese chicks both went into the pool to become immortal also, THEY COULDN'T SHAPESHIFT? WHY? WHO KNOWS?

Captain Planet than starts to shapeshift into creatures from "Where the wild things are". I won't give away the ending, because the movie does a good enough job of doing that itself. Let's just say it was crap. Crap! I could say more, but I've already put more time into this movie than the writers did.